Rainy day women

Vougue willams 
July….and it’s fucking raining. For the last two weeks I ve been trying to service my jeep and everyday I go out full of energy and excitement, with my old clothes on ( dirty of course so if anyone sees you,you can pretend you were working) ready to survice my jeep and …it’s fucking raining…At this rate I’m considering selling the jeep and starting building an ark. I know you ll say bring it to a garage, ah….no, one garage tried to charge me 4 times the price for the service  after he told me  he had “driven the shit outa my jeep” and I still see his face in my mind when I told him to stick his bill up his arse , fuck off  and take it to my solicitor . Another garage took 5 years to build a car for me ( 850bhp 300zx tt) and another garage had to do the same job 4 times before it was right….it was replacing a fucking manifold,a fucking manifold …gimme a car lift and I ll do it right in an hour.All the jobs ( except electrics….pat  you the man) I can do myself but for my health ( we ll discuss my health some other time…in simple words I’m fucked) and the lack of a car lift, really make it hard to work on a car. So no I won’t be going to a garage.There is only two I trust my beloved jeep too and both are pretty far away….so it’s back waiting for it to stop raining….but it’s ireland is always raining…it  makes even Seattle  seem appealing.

Any of you who know me , know of my love for a ” long  cool woman in a black dress….just 5,9 beautiful tall…with just one look I was a bad mess cause that long cool woman had it all “, I love that song and long cool women. So with rain and gloom outside I open the paper to find…fucking Taylor Swift and her fucking squad of tools at the fucking beach in bikinis  ( normally I like that but these girls look like the need a good meal rather than looking sexy) In tow with Taylor  is her new guy ( no its not that most depressing of cunts HOZIER….she only kept him for the 5min that he mattered..then she said fuck off and HOZIER went to church) Huddlespoon or something that is the guys name….he is the cool guy from the “Avengers” movies.. ” Lorki”. Wearing  a “I love TS ” t ‘shirt…I guess you have to be blunt in the photographs these days as the public must have gotten stupider or else he needs it to tell himself.Anyway I guess what I’m getting at is Taylor and the Swift squad don’t even rate in my “long cool woman ” list. I mean I wouldn’t throw em out on a cold night when the TV is broken and the radio doesn’t work ( that’s reminds me….note to porta..make sure the radio always works…just incase) but I’m after a different type of long cool woman in a black dress. 

Enter the European Athletics Championships, omg some of the most stunning women i have ever seen take part and with the Olympics just around the corner…in Rio ( outfits will be smaller and tans will be darker) ….the poor jeep may not get serviced till God nows when. So back to Rainy Day Women….what is a Rainy Day Woman…well here is the Porta Gregor  definition: RAINY DAY WOMAN: A super sexy, omg , drop dead gorgeous , sex goddess who you would want to spend a rainy day in bed with….and hope it stays raining for a week.

For me I ve got the Eagle’s problem ” I got 7 women on my mind, 4 don’t wanna know me, 2 just wanna hold me and 1 says she’s a friend of mine” so I’m fucked…but here is the Porta Gregor list of the top 10 Rainy Day Women 

10: Sharon Stone

If you have to ask why then you re gay and go look for the Rainy Day Men list ( which I have no idea how to put together)

9: Liz Hurley 

Women in they re 40s are ment to at they re sexual peak and dear I’d hope it would rain for a month. If you still asking why ….see above.

8: Sophie Turner 

When the she Wolf isn’t off being married to midgets and weirdos…she is a totally stunning woman…so let it rain ( in my past experience, redheads are crazy..but great in bed…it’s a kinda 50/50 thing)

7: ??

I have no idea who these two are but I ll take two please ( hang on…is that four…shit I need a bigger bed or a smaller one)

6: Lady Victoria Harvey 

Completely insane…royalty…rich and stunning ….what’s not to love

5: Gail kim

Gail is a wrestler.  Enough said. 

4: Christine McMahon

She’s irish, so out of all the women on this list is might have chance of getting to spend a rainy day with. She’s off to Rio soon and did really well in the Euros. After a spell in Rio  she ll need a man like me to get used to irish weather again…I hope.

3: Dita Von Tess 

This is one of the hottest women on the planet. Totally amazing and interesting.  Even if things didn’t get jiggy on the rainy day….I could spend the whole day just talking to her,that’s how cool she is.

2: Inga De Brun

Inga is over 6ft tall and I think that’s just her legs. This Dutch swimmer is totally stunning and super fit. Of all the women on this list is think Inga is so fit she could possibly put me in hospital after the rainy day….I’d gladly go.

1:Jessica Ennis

The ultimate Rainy Day Woman. Such a cutey and amazing to look at. I think you could bounce a €1 coin off any part of her body….not that you would want too unless you are some kinda sick weirdo like those guys who suck feet… yuk yuk yuk. I wouldn’t give a fuck what the weather was …I would stay in bed with this woman for a month. The ultimate Rainy Day Woman.

So guys and gals there you have it, the top ten Rainy Day Women. In my everyday life Porta Gregor’s 2 favourite Rainy Day Women live in Australia….so for “G”….who is a true life long cool woman, get your black dress ready and pray for rain. And for “A”…please let it rain rain rain rain rain but also please don’t shoot me cause I know you wanna…

Till tomorrow  guys and gals……

( Ah fuck it anyway….it’s stopped raining…bastard😀)

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