Come back and wring my neck…


Well if the new Black Panters have they re way, I ll have to be strung up by the balls and have dog shit thrown at me. Why. One simple reason…I’m not black. I thought we had moved beyond this when the stupid K.K.K.got they re arses kicked in the 60s, white sheet wearing hateful fuck heads but no we haven’t.  The same hate burns in the eyes of the new Blank Panters….it’s scary. What the two groups have in common is they both hate….look at the faces of the klan rallies and look at the faces of the new Black Panters both have the same blank faces chanting hate slogans….all they are is opposite sides of the same coin. I don’t hate anyone never have and never will, it’s just who I am…but don’t expect me to step out of your way ….if I’m pushed, I ll push back and if I’m kicking ur ass it has nothing to do with colour of your skin it’s because you are being a fucking asshole. Also a celebrity  (ok I’m really stretching the word now) miss Alabama said ” she didn’t feel sorry for the police that were shot” and that the muppet who did the shooting “was a martyr”!!! Are you fucking stupid….stick to asking for world peace you dumb ass. Here is how it is…the police shooting the guy in Minisota was WRONG and his family have my deepest simpity… but the shootings in Dallas were also WRONG and the families of the people shot also have my deepest simpity…..can’t you not see that two wrongs do not make a right!!!! Hate only begets hate… there is a war coming and losers are already picked….all of us!!!! Please use you re heads and don’t string me up by the balls…don’t string anyone up by the balls…hate does not end at the barrel of a gun ..it begins.

So with my balls still intact what better time than now to have a mid life crisis ( the headline today is from “faith no more ” midlife crisis)  WHY am having one.. well I don’t know …most guys have em because they are getting old and missed out on life ….I’m kinda the opposite, lived to hard too much too young….I guess the glossy coat on life is gone and I want to be young and stupid again ( well I’m still stupid anyway that will never change) and I wanna live the saying “free you re mind and your ass will follow” ….so here’s a guide to a guys mid life crisis  ( do women get these….not that I’m aware of…they re crazy all the time)


You need a porsche.  Nothing screams mid life crisis more than an old fucker driving at 40mph in a brand new porsche. Do they not realise that a porsche needs to be driven…hard…but just because you re having a mid life crisis doesn’t mean you stop be sensible. 


Buy a motor bike. I love bikes ….get to cruise and dress up as the toecutter..it’s cool but then enter the mid life crisis biker. Just as with the porsche it ll be 40mph on a 200mph bike. The leathers will be simple yet functional and there will be chicken chaser luggage boxes ( need somewhere for the sandwiches) also your helmet will be simple and not rude like mine ( black John player sport “jps” and jenna jameson on it)


You need feel then need to sleep with 20 something girls. I must admit I fall into this bracket, why just last week.. ( shut up porta …if we start talking bout your sex life we ll be here all day). So that’s when u see a 40 year old guy with 20 year girl or in the case of some places a 60 year old guy and 20 year old girl….tbh that just fucking sick and these people are assholes… the 60 year old should have more sense and the 20 year girl have more respect for herself.


Trying out drugs for the first time. Nothing spells midlife crisis more than a 40 plus year old getting stoned for the first time. It’s funny to watch but you should say something but don’t….because let’s face it seeing a guy tripping on acid talking to the wall is just too funny.


Going on a trip to find yourself…..ah fuck off that’s just an excuse to get pissed and shag hookers.


Quiting your job and taking up aid work…ah this is just another excuse for a holiday.


Becoming a  lefty. There is nothing worse than listen to so asshole who just switched to the left at 40+ and now decides to talk down to you bout the wrongs of the world. Fuck you ya commie prick


Get a sex change ???? Don’t know much bout this as I have never wanted my balls cut off


Just generally moaning how life has passed you by and shit. First off stop and look at the people around you and maybe wake up to the fact that you have a beautiful family and wife…..and that you re just being a bollox.


So there really is no excuse for a mid life crisis. If you are unhappy with some part of you re life then change it. You re only as old as you feel in mind ( me I’m still 20) …just cause you re getting older dont mean you gotta prove anything, just be the person you love and if you ain’t that ….become that.

Until tomorrow guys and gals….let’s hope there are no black panters lurking in my hillbilly redneck mountain town as I ve to do the shopping later.. 

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