NAKED AND AFRAID…..AND HANDCUFFED TO A BED!!!!


Right, I’m in a bad mood!! Why you ask? Well having gotten a phone call from a friend who’s ex boyfriend is stalking her, he sits outside the house in the rain…wacko, she asked could I call over to her because he was freaking her out. So I drove over to her house told yer man there is plenty of room in the boot of a range rover for him, a shovel and a bag of lime…..he kinda quickly left ( i think it’s my shaved because I’m the weakest guy that I know) so went into the house to have a chat with the girl….one thing lead to another and I stayed over. So I wake up to find my ankle handcuffed to the bed frame and Sinead no where in sight!!!! So I rang her to find out well…..wtf???? She said it was a joke and honestly I found it funny too till…..where’s the key ” oh shit, it’s in my handbag and I won’t be back till 7pm”!!!!!! So I’m stuck here ….like the gimp from pulp fiction …..I can’t even get my clothes because they re at the other side of the room….so I’m stuck here naked….with a German Shepherd eying me up ( it’s getting freaky now). So as sit here bored handcuffed to a metal bed frame I wonder how many stupid wacko lunatics like yer man last night there is in the world ( i am seriously far from fucking normal myself but at  least I dont stalk …… well ish…. I am still looking for the aliens who took one of my ex’s not to get her back but to pay them to keep her)I did have my own stalker once this guy who thought I was shagging his wife when I wasn’t, he used to park outside my house for hours just sitting there….his wife rang me once to ask him would he be home for dinner, so I had to  go over to his  car with the phone in my hand and ask this fucking clown ” your wife wants to know will you be home for dinner”….”no” was all he said and rolls the window back up…fucking clown,so I decided to put together a list of some of the biggest tool lunatic wacko bat shit crazy fuckos from history.

Before I go on my rant list I wanna a give big shout out of thank you  to a friend Emma, thank you so much for you feedback and opinions, they are the most honest and best I ve got so far and Emma you are the most interesting and intelligent woman I know and again thank you so much for the feedback and keep it coming.

Now to the wackos…..

HITLER

Yes this former rent boy ( yes folks Hitler took it up the arse and not only that he got caught…and charged) is truly nuts. All his girlfriends tried to kill themselves, he tried to kill just about every one,pretended to be married to a whole country, got an entire country addicted to crystal meth and instead of having sex he used to get women to piss on him….fucking tool asshole gimp!!!

Mohammed Amin al-Husseini 

This guy was a friend of Hitler and said ” send your Jews  to Poland they would be happier dead”!!!! He made it sound as if you wrap up a jew in a box and post them…what a clown.He looks like a guy I was in college with who was also a weirdo but that has nothing to do with it. Also did I mention he was a friend of Hitler….wonder who pissed on who.

KANYE WEST

Ah that’s just self explanatory….

LOUIS XVI OF FRANCE

Not only did he lose his head but this guy was such a fucking idiot it took him 8 year to have sex with Marine Antoinette ( who was super hot, really intelligent and was around a bad ass ….she was nothing like what she is portrayed as in history and even when they took her to be beheaded, she didn’t give up her dignity….a woman to respect)…what the fuck did Louis think ..you put it in her ear!! It took his brother in law, Marie’s brother, to give him an auld chat. Oh he used also have hot chocolate for breakfast and had to be dressed by 10 dudes….wanker!!!

TAYLOR SWIFT 

Ah jasus where do you start…..I’m just going to say this….she has CSI VEGAS on repeat playing 24 hours a day in every room in her house….plus if you shag her she ll write a song bout you and generally fuck your like up….complete nutter!!!

SHAUN RYDER

This is what drugs do to you kids….you makes loads of money as a rock star (happy mondays) then you invest it in…wait for it…..crop circles…..fucking crop circles….I mean wtf…fucking crop circles!!! Then complains he is broke….now that’s a true tool lunatic!!! He now makes bez seem normal.

LINDSAY LOHAN 

You name she’s slept with it….you name it she’s taken it…you name it…ah see what I’m getting at. So stupid she can’t even turn up to her own court case….totally bat shit crazy

LITTLE MISS CAN’T BE WRONG

Not allowed name her because she ll sue me…..let’s just say she thinks the whole world can’t run with out her and is about as intelligent as a monkey on acid. Grow up and look after your kids you fucking clown….we all know one like this ” I’m right…fuck sake like…I know it all…your wrong….I’m sexy” …35 and still thinking she’s in school….asshole

MR I’M A FUCKING TOOL

Again can’t name him but …..pretends to have mental problems to get disabled person allowance but is on placebos, lives off girlfriend….and can’t date any girl older than 20 ( he is 40) because real women see right through him. A rock star in a one mile radius….in his head. Ah just a weirdo…

HILARY CLINTON 

Bat shit crazy….

BILL CLINTON 

Bat shit crazy…..and will rape u!!!!

TOM CRUISE 

When not off his rocker dancing on Oprahs show….he can be found with rest of the fruit cakes in the scientology church. If you dig into Tom’s life it gets weirder and weirder…..ah check it out for yourselves guys and gals I don’t know where to start…..just remember nut job

PEOPLE WHO HAVE SLEPT WITH TOM CRUISE

Do I need to explain…

PORTA GREGOR 

Hand cuffed to a bed naked with a German Shepherd beside me. You know what  I’m the biggest tool on this list.

So as you can see this list could go on forever but I’m afraid of the dog so I ve gotta stop typing and hope Sinead comes back soon…..he looks hungry 

Until tomorrow guys and gals…..please pray that Sinead doest give me a hack saw and tell me it’s easier to hack through my ankle ( where did she get these handcuffs….they re hard Corp ones…?????)

Love you all guys and gals….

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