Why it’s great to be me part 2 – the Nicole Scherzinger zombie nightmare 

So yesterday we dealt with how to lose a Finnish girl and break a wardrobe in one night. As you have gathered by now the inside of my head is one of the most strangest places ever but at the end I ll tell you why it’s great to be me. But first let’s continue with the dreams.

Dream two – war

So I watch alot of war movies and I must have watched a war movie or something this night because I scared the life out of everyone in the house with this one.

I was living at home when this one happened…I went to bed and my 3 cats joined me as usual ( they take over most of the bed) so off to dreamland.  

I war in some battle or war because I was covered in mud and was in a fox hole…but a really tall version Lindsay Lohan was with me. She was an officer and I was Sargent or something. She says ” I hear something ” and sticks her head up to have a look and screams ” tanks” . She then jumps in a porsche and drives off ( don’t ask). So I look out of the foxhole  and scream ” tanks in the wire ….armour….fucking armour “. During this screaming I must have woken up because I dived out of the bed on to the floor just as I screamed ” armour….fucking armour ” . By this stage I ve woken everyone up in the house and on my bed are my 3 cats staring at me with expressions of ” your such a fucking tool daddy” . Cats have a way of making you feel stupid….so after I told everyone I was OK  ( they must have thought I was the biggest tool alive) I went back to bed…but cats have now changed they re expressions to ” you wake us again daddy and we kill you”….I didn’t sleep much after that.

Dream three- the Nicole Scherzinger zombie nightmare…

So I’m back in the city when this one happened. I’m dating a stunning blonde Estonian girl ( Estonian girls are just so sexy and beautiful…..) so we go to bed one night ( no details I’m a gentleman….but omg I love Estonian girls…they re just so good in….sorry I’m a gentleman I forgot….also they have such great taste in underwear…irish girls take note). Anyway we re in bed and I fall asleep. I’m in a night club and I’m being stalked by a very weird Nicole Scherzinger. Normally this would be a good thing but she looks scary. So I’m running away from her trying not to spill my pint at the same time(remember I’m irish) when suddenly I’m pulled into the women’s toilet  ( which is flooded …like all women’s toilets in night clubs) so there is nicole looking scary but sexy and then I notice that there is a big button on her head that says “do not press” and she starts singing ” loosen up my buttons baby” ….I can’t resist…I slowly reach for the button while Nicole is throwing shapes in front of me like in the pussy cat dolls videos. 

Just as I have my finger on the button and about to press it a Mercedes sls amg slams sideways through the wall ( without any damage at all to the car) the door suddenly opens and a very tall cara delevingne screams “don’t push that button….get in fast” so I jump in the car and we drive off. It’s then suddenly day time and we pull into a petrol station where a sexy blonde girl just starts filling the car. The tall version of cara delevingne is dressed in that ridiculous outfit  ( see photo) she says ” if you pushed that button you could have…get out and pay the girl” so I lift up the door( it’s an sls amg coupe) and sexy blonde says “pay inside” so I walk into the shop and a zombie is behind the counter and in an Irish accent says ” €50 diesel is it” I run screaming out of the shop as i see cara delevingne drive off with the sexy blonde!! I look behind me and I’m being chased by a group of zombies with the Irish zombie shouting ” he didn’t pay….eat the bastard”. So I run after the car screaming ” cara cara….she put diesel in the car” I wake up just as the zombies get me. Now for the worst bit. 

The beautiful Estonian girl turns on the light and looks angry ” who cara” she asks in a heavy accent. I try to explain about the zombies but she gets out of bed and starts giving out to me in Estonian. Now guys if you never had a stunningly beautiful naked Estonian girl angry with you  and giving out to you in a strange language, It’s a sight to behold. ” you no love me….I leave” and she did packed her bags and left!!!! Dam you cara delevingne. 

So why is it great to be me,it’s great to be me because I would nt change the madness of my life for anything. That’s it,nothing more.The main thing in life is you ve gotta be able to love yourself and all your madness and fucked up kinks and all.

So until tomorrow guys and gals….don’t put diesel in a petrol car

Love you all guys and gals….

Here’s some sexy pics

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