Having spent the most of my life in hospital and almost having died so many times I’m used to seeing my life flash before me. The first time it happens it’s stupid small things that hit you….if you survive that….well your life changes. You think and act differently and it’s then you notice that the stupid shit that you thought was important …isn’t. For everyone it’s different but it makes life simpler because you find what is important to you.
I wasn’t ment to see 30 ( I’m now 36)…and what flashs before me now when I think life is gone is….guilt. Have I made the world better in my life time and guilt of the hole I will leave in the lives of people I care about.
It happened this morning….and gain. I hit the floor with fever and if I lose control of it well my body will shut down.So I make it to bed….shaking and jaw chattering ..quickly loseing control of myself and all I can think is ” have you lived with honor and you better fight porta because the hell of guilt awaits you”…so I bite down on a piece of hard plastic and fight to regain control… once you decide to fight, never stop, never give in and keep going because you have to live..you ve decided that there is more important things than thinking about yourself….those around you and a question ” have you done enough in life to make the world better during your lifetime?”
For me the answer is always “no ” but I’m trying. So as I lay there under the duvet in horrendous pain and shaking with fever…I start to gain control. With help of my youngest cat “Bobby voll” who taking to helping his daddy recover by jumping on my head repeatedly and purring….it’s little things like this that remind you of the beauty of life and the guilt sets in of the duty you owe to that beauty of life
This will happen again to me and maybe next time won’t be able to recover….so until then the glass for porta gregor is always half full and hope no one has to go through what I do….but if you do…the glass of life is always half full.
So until tomorrow guys and gals…believe in yourself and remember that the glass is never full..but never stop trying to fill it.
Love you all guys and gals…
This girl is so hot….. Eleanor Tomlinson ( sorry what can I say….I’m still porta gregor 😀)
I love red heads …..