I had a nightmare last nite…i dreamt i was dead and voted for Hilary Clinton….oh wait thats reality because dead people are voting for her…never mind.
I love cars. I’m a car nut. If it’s got a big engine and fast I know every stupid detail about it. But I’m also a car snob, it the price you pay for liking fast cars. What’s a car snob….well let me explain…say you turned up at my house with your new audi and it looks great…till you mention it’s diesel…then I switch off and just say ” shitbox” …I don’t like diesel cars…if you have a problem with that please address complaints to my ass. Being a car snob also means I don’t know what your suv is and if you ve kids and need space…buy a fucking range rover…oh and I also have no idea of any car under 2litre.
But this isn’t about me, this is about the show on the discovery channel ” Street outlaws ” where 10 assholes race to be on a list. Now I ve done Street racing ( i won’t say where or in what) but the whole point of street racing is that the cars are from the street….meaning you could hop into it and drive to the shop to get a box of milk if the need be. But in ” Street outlaws ” these guys have fucking racing cars that they bring to the race on trailers. They spead hours setting it up to do a standing quarter mile ….they even measure the fuel to save weight.
That ain’t Street racing…..that’s track racing. The cars are track cars and if you think I’m a snob…these guys look down they noses at people who drive real Street cars. It’s nonsense. Then they go on about ” the cops” and ” I can’t get arrested tonight”….your on TV, illegal Street racing and you print yer names and results of the races in the paper for fuck sake the cops don’t give a fucking shit about ye muppets.
Another thing….do you really expect us to believe that the police miss about 30 cars with trailers and 100 people standing around on a street with race cars….” oh we were just washing the cars officer….cause we really are that stupid”. It’s just just sad. Even the bets are Mickey mouse….”$500 and I take your sleeves” yes there is this fat guy who collects t-shirt sleeve if he beats you. Why is it I can picture him dressed up in mothers best frock sniffing the sleeves saying ” I do it cause I like it”. Then you get to these two who drive a truck. Now I don’t care what they get up too when the cameras are off but ……let’s just say …they re colourful not in a funny haha way…but in the way that makes you wonder what goes on in the back of the truck…yuk yuk yuk. It’s pretty twisted.
“Street outlaws”…..they are about as close to out laws as my pet fox alphonso. When will the discovery channel stop insulting us. All the car shows lie….”fast and loud” lawsuits for cars not finished and breaking down ( check out they website and you ll see the shit boxes they sell)…”Wheeler dealers” almost every classic car that they have worked on is notorious in classic circles for being rubbish…..”counting cars” shit boxes for rich idiots…” misfit garage” all I ve to say about them is…they re expert engine builder buildt an engine with different size valves that he had laying around the garage to save money and then changed the torque settings on each one to balance it….in other words God help you if you bring it to another garage because they won’t know what he did to it and will service it and suddenly your $80k classic needs to be turned into a toaster.
I’m kinda sick of it to be honest….the other night on ” Street outlaws ” a guy had such a huge bonnet on his shitbox car that he couldn’t see the starting light…I shit you not . I want to see high money fast cars race in dangerous races and be outlaws. Tomorrow I ll Put forward the Porta Gregor Street racing show and you tell me which you would rather see.
So until tomorrow guys and gals…don’t get in the back of any fast trucks you see..
Love you all guys and gals…
Here’s a collection of some of our hottest women so far…….