Remember when Glastonbury was cool….well it ain’t any more. The headline act named for the Saturday night is none other than fucking Ed Sheeran! What’s next Taylor swift and the std squad. Music has died it has been replaced by the almighty $ So much so that you now have to pay $150 to watch a singer meme to a backing track and throw shapes on stage. I’m sick of it and I’m sick of what Ed Sheeran has created. All over  countries of the world are wankers trying to be the new ed sheeran…most of them suck, come on admit it, you go to bar and there is an asshole with acoustic guitar moaning ” I love you so much don’t leave me ….because I can’t go back to wanking myself off…cause I’m such a loser” So you leave and go to another bar and there is the wank stains twin singing the same song to a bunch of 15 year girls. Welcome to the new Glastonbury…..fuck I feel old.

McDonald’s India have fucked up and leaked over 2 million users PERSONAL info. It was part of of McDonald’s delivery service….where an app was used in which you had to fill in personal details in order to use the service. Thing is this shit has been going on for years this is just one app that has been caught out. Your shopping club card details are sold, your bank details are sold, your credit card details….everything ….right down to when you spend cash money on something cctv can be connected to see you ‘re buying and selling habits. Me I spend all my money on women, Stetsons and guitars…. that’s why no politicians call to see me during an election because they have the info on me….i suppose the fact that they think I’m a nutter doesn’t help too. Ah the only way to control your data is to not give people something they can use against you…like watching a horse fuck a dude or a dude fuck a chick…see what I’m getting at.In this age of mobiles being turned on in your pocket  by secuity services and smart tv’s watching you  pull your lad…. the McDonald’s app issue  is  the least of your worries….unless you eat ten big Macs a day…which will fucking kill you.

The great Chuck Berry died over the weekend…its pretty sad for me because all the first songs I learnt  to play were Chuck Berry tracks. He will be sadly missed…

I ‘ve said it once and I ‘ll say it again KIM Kardashian and kanye dickhead West seem to me to be asset rich and cash poor. Nothing shows this more than the Paris robbery. The old guys break in looking for cash and she screams ” don’t rape me” well thats what she said happened on an episode of” keeping it up while having sex  with a Kardashian ” good old KIM KARDASHIAN said she feared she d be raped. But I picture the robbery happening more like this…

Picture the scene…. apartment in Paris….kim Kardashian is seated in just a robe and underwear….suddenly… in break a bunch of hard core old age pensioners to rob her…
Robber:” wheres the money”

Kim: “please don’t rape me ”

Robber: “ah we don’t want to rape you at all…ever….we just want the cash…there will be no raping whatsoever. ”

Kim: oh you brute….dont rape me please ( as kim bends over the couch taking her own underwear off in an attempt to be sexy)

Robber: “look miss Kardashian please put your underwear back on….no one wants to have sex with you at all…ever  …..please close your robe….miss Kardashian…please…stop touching me I don’t know where you ‘ve been….stop …please stop …i don’t like it…. back away please  please….no….”

Kim then rips her robe open and flashs her ditties

KIM: “oh dear god don’t rape me” 

The old age pensioners freak out

Robber: “look miss Kardashian….please put you ‘re clothes back on… no no no…stop touching me miss Kardashian I don’t like it….stop stop… I won’t have sex with you….stop..stop stop”

Kim then floats across the room like a vampire on a blood lust 

Other robbers then rush on: “dear god….what the fuck…quick take the jewellery  before she rapes  us…these losers have no cash”.

The first robber who is clearly shaken says…

Robber: “she ‘ll rape us all …..we re fucked…we didnt plan for this  ….oh dear god no….she ‘ll rape us ahhhhhhh”

But before KIM has the chance to assault the old age pensioners….they grab they ‘re friend and pull him to safety and escape……leaving KIM floating in the middle of the room looking for a video camera to make another sex tape to leak….laughing like a lunatic.. ..she screams at no one in general

Kim: “ahhh hahahahaha fetch me my gimp kanye west….kimmy wants to fuck….bring out my gimp…someone…anyone….must I do ever thing myself”

Well that’s how I picture it….

So until tomorrow guys and gals…..beware of KIM Kardashian….

Love you all guys and gals…

Here the beautiful Nicole Kidman…. ( I so would)

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